Saturday, December 8, 2012

day thirty-four through thirty-eight

This week was busy, and not the easiest. After so much rest over Thanksgiving, I'm realizing anew just how critically important sleep is - how my patience and enthusiasm and perspective go so much farther when I've had a good night's rest. How I'm slower to get irritated, angry, or frustrated. I'm also realizing that, while I love to talk about big ideas and work on some projects with people, I also like more independence and autonomy than I thought (I'm sure you're not nearly as surprised as I am). Another big shocker: I like to be the expert, and have this tendency to get irritated and defensive when someone casts doubt on that. Not really fun stuff to re-realize or admit about myself, but I've been wearing a good-girl mask for too many years, and I'd like to try taking it off.

Seeing and voicing God's grace and gifts helps with taking off that mask, because it helps me see how much I'm just simply loved, and somehow gives me more freedom to be where I'm at - to be hurting if I'm hurting, impatient if I'm impatient, joyful if I'm get the idea. But I can be those things because I know that, while I can't see what's next, I can see that God is working, providing all I need. Or something like that...still trying to figure it out. :)

In the midst of the week's busyness - and, honestly, a bit too much TV and Internet trolling - keeping up with the December Joy Dare took a back seat. There are some lovely prompts for this week, but it would feel like too much of a task to be completed to list out all of them, so I'm just going to start writing out what I'm thankful for and see where it goes.

In no particular order, picking up where I left off on Monday, I am thankful for...

#102: car rental insurance. I hit a parking lot pole with a rental car last night: dented the driver's side door and banged up the mirror. The claim process has been surprisingly smooth so's hoping it stays that way!

#103: the chance to attend Amirah's second annual Evening of Hope with two co-workers! If you're not familiar with Amirah, please go check them out. They're fundraising to start New England's first aftercare home for women over 18 who have been trafficked and are coming out of it.

#104: friends and celebrating Christmas with them. This afternoon was a friend's second annual Christmas party, and it was so fun having an excuse to cook together! And to catch up with a few church friends, and to hold a couple of babies... :)

#105: advocates at work who are willing to help me figure out/get where I want to go (hopefully in a direction that won't be so needlessly draining).

#106: walking up to the Somerville Winter Market without a phone (disconnected for a bit!), running into a friend, chatting with vendors, learning about how to make cheese and bourbon-flavored mead, listening to a guy with an acoustic guitar cover a bunch of really good songs, and finding the perfect veggies for my holiday party contribution.

#107: friends who teach me the meaning of love and sacrifice.

#108: laughing about and working hard with one of my roommates on her hilarious contest submission:
#109: Miroslav Volf, and his hard but good words on forgiveness and sin and God's mercy. Check out Free of Charge if you have a chance.

#110: hanging out with MIT undergrads one night this week - they're wicked smart, and gave me a chance to talk about the community finance/data analysis work I used to do for Oxfam. They all thought I was crazy for liking school...but they were still nice. :)

#111: finally figuring out (a few weeks ago) how to keep track of my projects at work. Structure and due dates are an incredible thing.

#112: time tonight to rest, reflect, release, and remind myself that Jesus loves me, despite knowing exactly what I look like behind the mask...and that he's set me free from having to wear it!

#113: this quote by Wendell Berry, posted on Facebook by a friend: "It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,

And that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.

The mind that is not baffled
is not employed.

The impeded stream
is the one that sings."

#114: all of the impediments, and the singing they inspire.

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